“…if we want our teens to grow up, we have to allow them to figure out how to manage the tough times.”My daughter, who has schizophrenia, started eleventh grade with confidence. She worked hard, organized herself, and achieved well. Then the end of the month hit. Suddenly, she was overwhelmed with the number of assignments due. I saw the signs of stress and immediately reacted. She was supposed to start an online course in another month, and if she did not take it she would not graduate from high school in four years. Then I took a step back. Maybe it was okay for her to be stressed for now. I wondered if I had protected her for so long that maybe too many interventions would stilt her maturity.
Growing up is hard. It’s never easy to see your child suffer, especially if they have already been through a lot with depression or anxiety or worse. But if we want our teens to grow up, we have to allow them to figure out how to manage the tough times.
Interestingly, one of the things that helped me the most was when I explained to my daughter that every other junior at the high school was feeling the same way she was. I told her that eleventh grade is a growth year, a time when kids become more adult in their ability to manage their lives. She was so accepting and matter-of-fact of the news that I didn’t say another word. In fact, as I watched her, she seemed to dig into her studies that much harder. She wanted to grow, I realized. She did schoolwork the entire weekend, breaking only for one nap on Sunday and a brief lunch outing on Saturday. By the end of the weekend she was caught up. We agreed that there would probably be a few more all-weekenders during the course of the year, but she realized that she could do it. Like any other junior.
“You’re doing everything right.”