“As parents, we sometimes feel like we need to be in steady communication with our children, but teens need privacy.”Teen irritability is often nothing more than a cry for more privacy. Holding back on suggestions and questions will usually alleviate this rather typical teenage trait. Yes, you should be able to ask a simple question without getting your head bitten off, but it might be worthwhile to consider the importance of your questions and comments.
As parents, we sometimes feel like we need to be in steady communication with our children, but teens need privacy. I have been amazed at how much better things go with my teen when I just stay quiet. For example, it looks like rain as she’s heading out the door: will she melt if she doesn’t bring an umbrella? About that fifth slice of pizza she’s helping herself to: maybe next time I’ll buy a smaller pizza. And that boy she was talking to when I picked her up from her flute lesson: do I really need to know his name?
Give yourself a pat on the back every time you manage to keep quiet. Your reward will come when your teen becomes more relaxed around you and begins volunteering information on their own. If you have edited your conversation to the point where everything you say is meaningful and your teen still snaps at you, ask politely for a more respectful response. Your teen may be surprised at your reaction; it’s possible that they didn’t realize how they were coming across.
If your teen’s irritability seems unnatural or excessive, it is possible that they are under too much stress between school and activities. Have a frank talk and ask if they feel over-scheduled. If the irritability seems to come and go, interspersed with high periods, your teen may have a mood disorder or may be using drugs, with the irritability kicking in after the high recedes. Many boys experience depression as irritability or anger and display none of the more characteristic symptoms of the illness, such as low energy or sadness. If you suspect that any of these issues are occurring with your teen and he or she is not seeing a therapist or psychiatrist, contact your pediatrician for a referral.
Finally, it is possible that the irritability is caused from side effects of the medicine or from lack of sleep. Your teen may require extra rest for a while. Be sure that your teen is getting sufficient sleep by making sure that the computer is turned off and their cell phone is not in the room with them. Many parents have been astonished when they checked their telephone bill to see that their teens were texting half the night!
“Think of your teen’s recovery in three phases: crisis phase, healing phase, and recovery phase.”