“Teens tend to think in extremes, and their art shows it.”You are cleaning out the car when you find a sheet of crumpled, lined notebook paper. Smoothing it out, you see that your teen has written a poem about suicide. A bolt of fear shoots through you.
Take a deep breath. This could mean that your teen is suicidal or it could mean that they had a bad day. Teens tend to think in extremes, and their art shows it. Having recently left childhood behind, they are new to many of the painful facts of life. The realization can be overwhelming.
Meanwhile, there is you, worrying about whether to be concerned. If the art merely hints at depression or anxiety, do not mention that you found it. Instead, say that you notice that they seem blue lately. Tell your teen that you would like to help, and that you promise not to over-react or judge. They may not open up to you right away, but at least they know someone is looking out for them. Also, you have opened the door a crack. If more evidence appears, you can press further.
If the art scares you, it is time to take action. For example, in the case of the poem about suicide, if your teen refuses to open up, explain what you found. It is worth the risk of their resentment. Express that you respect their discomfort but that you would be a poor parent if you didn’t follow up. It is important for them to know that somebody cares enough to do something about their situation.
Tell your teen that you have made an appointment to go together to see a therapist or the school counselor. Be assured, by the way, that the school counselor or school psychologist is well-equipped and experienced with this issue. If your teen objects, remain firm. Explain that you love them and that you need to check this out in order to know that they are safe. Say that sometimes teens do not realize just how depressed they are if they’ve been coping for a while.
Be sensitive to the fact that they may be embarrassed by the content of the item you found. Do not bring it along (in fact, if you still have it, return it). Tell the therapist or counselor, in general terms, the message you interpreted from the item and then let her take it from there. Afterward, thank your teen for accompanying you to the appointment. Never mention the poem again. Your teen will appreciate your sensitivity.
Tags: Caregivers, Therapists