17
May 24

The Secret to Reconnecting with Your Distant Teen

Teenager“Music expresses a teen’s emotions and identity, yet often parents are critical of their teen’s taste in music and it feels like a personal rejection to them.”

As teens mature, they need to separate from their parents and allow their peer group to take precedence. But if you and your teen don’t seem to share anything these days, there is a simple method to bring you closer to your teen and improve trust. Simply put, make yourself useful.

First, identify what your teen loves. You may be able to list several things; for example, video games, music, and wrestling. Second, figure out a way to become involved on a regular basis without annoying your teen. Music is often an easy choice. Music expresses a teen’s emotions and identity, yet often parents are critical of their teen’s taste in music and it feels like a personal rejection to them. You can overcome this lack of understanding by listening to your teen’s music whenever you are in the car together and offering to take them and a friend to some concerts. The “concert mom” or “concert dad” is always looked upon by teens with a friendly eye. In fact, it is pretty much universally agreed that they will one day have a special place in heaven.

If your teen enjoys a sport, it helps to not only attend games but also to join the parent booster club, providing rides and ordering team sweatshirts. The underlying message to all of this is that you care about the things that matter to your teen. Note the difference between that and knowing what’s best for a teen. Teens don’t care what you think is best for them. If you can make yourself a supplier of his social world, you will be silently appreciated.

One note of caution. If your teen’s passion is something that is easiest to fulfill by spending money, hold back. For example, if your teen wants to go on a guided trip through Europe that costs $5,000, help him organize a garage sale or other event to raise funds. Don’t write the check.


15
May 24

Top 12 Coping Skills for Teens

/copingSkills.jpg“Explore new hobbies such as woodworking, painting, or jewelry making.”

Teens going through a tough depression or similar illness need ways to cope. Here are 12 of the top coping skills:

  1. Do a puzzle together.
  2. Watch an old television series while you play a simple card game. My daughter and I worked our way through Columbo, Murder She Wrote, and The Office.
  3. Go for a car ride with your teen in the passenger seat, listening to their favorite music; no talking. This can really soothe a teen in pain.
  4. If it’s been a bad day, suggest that they go to bed early. This almost always works.
  5. If shopping for clothes is too strenuous for them, do some Internet shopping. Having packages coming may give them something to look forward to.
  6. Go for a twenty-minute walk together.
  7. Bake something easy together.
  8. Suggest that they start or resume music lessons.
  9. Buy magazines that interest them.. Short articles require less energy than do books.
  10. See if they will go to a movie with a friend. It requires less conversation than other activities and is therefore less of a strain.
  11. Explore new hobbies such as woodworking or jewelry making. Browse through a crafts store to see what interests your teen.
  12. Adopt a pet through the humane society, preferably one already trained so that you don’t have the added stress of housebreaking.

You may be disappointed to discover that your teen has lost interest in an activity or sport they previously loved. It’s possible that they don’t have the level of concentration to pursue it right now. Their skill level may be so low compared to the way it was before the illness that they don’t have the heart to keep it up right now. Although you may be tempted to keep your teen involved so that they don’t lose ground, resist the urge. I know there’s the risk that they won’t return to it, but there is an equally good chance that they will find something new to master. Changing interests is a natural part of teen life anyway, so encourage them to try new things.