13
May 24

Book Review: The Bipolar Teen by David J. Miklowitz and Elizabeth George

Teenager“…helping a teen recover from bipolar disorder requires an all-out effort”

The Bipolar Teen is the most important book you can own if your teen has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If your teen has not been diagnosed, but you are wondering if his or her depression or ADHD could actually be bipolar disorder, this book is for you as well. Davd J. Miklowitz has written some of my favorite books on teen mental illness. I was especially interested in this one with coauthor Elizabeth George because it approaches bipolar disorder from the family’s viewpoint.

We all know what a difference families can make. The first part of the book helps parents face the overwhelming diagnosis itself. The authors provide case histories to help parents understand what bipolar disorder can look like. They explain how to hold your marriage and family together. The frustrating behavior of a bipolar child can wear parents down. Miklowitz and George describe some of the unhelpful approaches parents often take with their bipolar teen. Then they explain constructive ways to deal with your teen’s difficult behaviors. If your teen is angry or explosive, this book will save you a great deal of heartbreak.

There can be many types of conflict within a family struggling through bipolar disorder. Sometimes a sibling feels shoved aside and resents the sick teen. Sometimes a sibling provokes the sick teen. The authors provide deep insight into the many dynamics that can arise between family members. One important point they make is that the sick teen’s place in the family must be preserved. It is important not to let the behaviors of the sick teen make him or her become the family scapegoat.

It can be difficult to determine whether a teen’s behavior is part of the illness or simply part of being an adolescent. The chapter “A Close Look at the Symptoms” will help you to understand how your teen experiences bipolar disorder. This chapter describes the sometimes subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle symptoms of bipolar disorder. It describes the criteria that physicians use to make a diagnosis. It also explains the different types of bipolar disorder.

One of the most challenging issues in treating bipolar disorder is getting the medicine right. The authors explain the different types of medicine available and the advantages and disadvantages of each. They explain how to work with your teen and the doctor in figuring out the right medicine combination. Again, this savvy author pair can prevent you from making mistakes. For example, they point out that parents and doctors often rush to an unnecessary and even risky medicine change when the teen is just going through normal adolescent angst.

The authors describe the different types of therapy in detail and even make recommendations based upon your teen’s personality and style. They also explain the benefit of therapy for siblings as well as family therapy. Although it may seem as though the authors ask a lot of parents, helping a teen recover from bipolar disorder requires an all-out effort. If you think about it, the sacrifices are actually quite small. The teen years are tough no matter what. By pulling together, your family will develop a strength and intimacy that will yield amazing rewards in the years to come.

 


09
May 24

Why do Teens Cut?

Teenager“Your teen must learn new coping skills to replace the self-injury behavior until it is no longer needed.”

Do you know why teens cut or perform other forms of self-injury? I didn’t. A social worker explained to me that sometimes the pain of anger or anxiety or depression becomes so severe that the only way to cope is to inflict pain. It is a dangerous coping skill and understandably aggrieving for the parent, especially if it seems as though your teen is addicted to the behavior. I want to reassure you that therapy can help tremendously by teaching better coping skills and eradicating the old habit by infusing new, healthier behavior.

Talking to Your Teen About Self-Injury

If you think you are seeing signs of self-injury in your teen, such as burns or cuts, bring it up to your teen in a calm and gentle manner. This is an extremely sensitive subject and it is likely that your teen is embarrassed and ashamed. Remember that your opinion of your teen means the world to them. Promise not to over-react or judge them.

If your teen does not want to talk, say that you just want to share what little you know about the subject. Explain that it is actually very common among teens who are going through tough emotional times, and that it is often linked to depression, anxiety, and frustration. Say that it is a medical condition and that there is treatment for it. If your teen clams up, say that you are going to give them a few days to think about it. Once the shock wears off that you know their secret, they may come to you. If not, go to them and say that you want to make an appointment with a therapist or school counselor.

Working with a Therapist

When the two of you meet with the therapist or counselor, describe the signs you have seen. This may include signs of self-injury, but it may also include things like loss of appetite, excessive worry, not completing homework, or leaving the dinner table in tears over the tiniest remark.

Do not be surprised if this evidence is an epiphany for your teen. They may have been trying to cope for so long that they never recognized how much pain they were experiencing. If your teen isn’t talking or otherwise seems uncomfortable, ask if they would prefer to speak to the therapist alone. If your teen asks you to stay, it means they need your support and protection because they haven’t yet trusted the therapist. If your teen still won’t talk, bring them into the conversation during a less threatening point in the conversation. For example: “We had just come home from a concert and she and her dad were arguing–” turn to your teen “–help me out here, honey. What was the argument about again?” Once your teen starts talking, they often get into the swing of it.

The “Cure” for Teen Self-Injury

In time, your teen will come to understand that there is a name for what they are feeling. They will learns new ways to cope with their feelings. That is the cure, of course. Your teen must learn new coping skills to replace the self-injury behavior until it is no longer needed. Check out Top 12 Coping Skills for Teens to get started.

Meanwhile, there is you, wanting the situation to end now. It can be helpful to lower your expectations and anticipate that the behavior may occur again before it is fully resolved. If your teen does hurt themselves, try to remain calm and say as little as possible. If you shame them, they may be distressed enough to self-injure again. Express confidence that they will be able to stop. If you notice marks on her arms, call the therapist and let her know what you have seen. She will be able to gently question your teen. Because your teen cannot bear to disappoint you, it may be easier to discuss it with a professional.

Seldom does recovery commence in a straight line. There will be slip-ups along the way, but that does not mean that there is no progress. I highly recommend When Your Child is Cutting, by Merry E. McVey-Noble, Sony Khemlani-Patel, and Fugen Neziroglu. It is a quick, easy read and simply the best I have found for giving parents the insight and courage to get their teen past this troubling behavior.