25
Nov 24

How Do you Live with the Risk of a Suicide?

Teenager“I found that developing a philosophical attitude toward suicide was necessary for my own peace of mind.”

You may have never thought of suicide as a coping skill, but for the teen who feels alone or who has never been treated for depression, suicide ideation may be the only response they know. Treatment changes that. Once they are in therapy and begin to learn better coping skills, the threat will lessen. For many teens, discovering that there are alternatives to suicide is a tremendous relief.

Meanwhile, it is scary to live with the knowledge that your child has been vulnerable to suicide. Long after the immediate threat was resolved, I still fretted that one day one of my children would commit suicide. I found that developing a philosophical attitude toward suicide was necessary for my own peace of mind.

We all want our children to live long, happy lives, and hopefully, they will. But no matter what we do, we cannot avoid every possible danger that could threaten our offspring. Cancer, a car wreck, or alcohol poisoning at a fraternity party are only a few of the possibilities that we, as parents, learn to coexist with. The reality of death is a risk we take when we become parents. In the meantime, we do everything we can to prevent the possibility of a suicide occurring. We keep the line of communication open with our children by never judging them or making them regret sharing their feelings with us. We help them get the medical care they require. We help them learn how to manage their illness. We encourage them to find a balance between stress and wellness. After that, we accept that our role as parents has limits, and we get on with our own lives. What else can we do?


08
Nov 24

What I Learned About Mental Illness from the Movies

There are plenty of movies out there that deal with the subject of mental illness. Although I sometimes find the prospect of watching such a movie depressing, I think it’s good to get a different take on the subject. Here is a list of some of the movies I have seen and what I learned from them as a caregiver:

Strange Voices is listed first because it is my favorite. Valerie Harper plays a mom whose daughter is struck with schizophrenia while at college. Somehow, without seeming like a documentary, this movie hits all the issues: stigma, isolation, the effects of de-institutionalization, marriage strain, the limitations of health insurance, and our appalling legal system. It is an incredibly realistic portrayal of what a family goes through when schizophrenia affects a child. It is also heartwarming and ends on a note that is both realistic and hopeful. Truly a masterpiece despite its dated quality.

Benny & Joon with Mary Sue Masterson and Johnnie Depp showed me how a caregiver can become dependent upon the illness. In the movie, Benny looks after his sister Joon, who has had schizophrenia for so many years that he can’t let go of his role even after she no long needs him. As a caregiver, I have been cautioned to maintain a life of my own, and now I see why.

A Beautiful Mind with Jennifer Connelly and Russell Crowe showed me how a caregiver who refuses to give up can restore a life. Connelly nurtures her husband back from schizophrenia. He is luckier than most because his distinguished past and an accepting environment keep him safe and stable.

Black Swan provides an unusual take on the caregiver. I found it interesting that my friends who saw the movie regarded the mother of the girl with schizophrenia as being a cruel and manipulative stage mom. As the mother of a girl with schizophrenia, I saw her completely differently. To me, she seemed warped by the demands of the illness, having held the pieces together for so long that she needed everything to go just right lest it all fall apart. Of course, it does, and the performances of both Natalie Portman (the daughter) and Barbara Hershey (the mother) are brilliant.

Proof features Gwyneth Paltrow as a devoted daughter looking after her brilliant father, played by Anthony Hopkins, who has schizophrenia. The daughter deliberately undermines her own brilliance as she endeavors to return her dad to his former state of greatness. It is a reminder that caregivers can lose themselves in helping a beloved relative. If you love Gwyneth Paltrow (and who doesn’t love Gwyneth Paltrow?) you must see this movie.

Silver Linings Playbook depicts a young man struggling with bipolar disorder following a mental break after his wife has an affair. His well-meaning mother decides that he has been in the hospital for too long and brings him home. His father is stunned by this but insists that he only wants to make sure he is all right. However, we soon learn that mom and dad are not all right themselves. Dad has obsessive compulsive disorder and Mom vacillates between playing along with Dad and trying to keep him from doing too much damage. In-between the two is Pat, the son, who is trying to find a way back to his former life despite his parents’ problems.