“It can take years to reach a state of true recovery, so give it time.”Sometimes recovery is not as complete as we had hoped. There is the teen who has more or less recovered from depression, but who can’t seem to get motivated to find a job. The girl with schizophrenia who no longer hallucinates but still seems disorganized and confused. The boy with bipolar disorder whose symptoms are gone but who is no longer the outgoing, popular person you remember. Once mental illness sets in, it can change the patient. That’s why early treatment is important and why it’s critical to shut down the symptoms as quickly as possible. Still, even after treatment, you may find that your child has changed. You may even suspect that the medicine itself, which is necessary to control the symptoms, subtly affects your loved one’s personality.
We dream big for our children and we want to see them have as many advantages as possible. It’s okay to grieve the loss of the person you thought your teen would become. Meanwhile, try to focus on the assets your son or daughter currently possesses. You may even find that a new strength emerges. My son used to love reading and it was a challenge for us to find enough books for him. That changed when he became ill. He could no longer read as fast and his comprehension weakened. Even after he was in recovery, he found that he read slower. The odd thing is that he became better at math. He had never enjoyed math because he felt that it lacked room for creativity. But he came to enjoy it and became curious about it. His math grades went up even though he labored through For Whom the Bell Tolls. Think about something your teen does now that they did not do before. They may be motivated by this new ability, and that is something to nurture.
Also, keep in mind that recovery from mental illness is notoriously slow. How long has it been since the medicine and therapy began to make a dent in the symptoms? Six months? Two years? Four? It can take years to reach a state of true recovery, so give it time. I can tell you right now that six months is nothing. Your teen is on the right path and you’re doing all you can. Keep in mind, too, that teens change dramatically even when they aren’t faced with mental illness.
If you suspect that your teen or adult child has stopped taking the medicine, gently ask what is going on with the medicine. Have they run into side effects? Sometimes we suspect a patient of going off of their medicine when, in fact the medicine has stopped working or the dosage needs to be adjusted. If it seems like they have gone off of their medicine but insist they haven’t, go with them the next time they see the psychiatrist. When illness creeps back in due to medicine problems, the patient is often unaware of the changes that have occurred.
“Mental illness can be so subtle at times. We find ourselves getting impatient or confused by our teen’s behavior, not realizing that it is a remnant of the illness.”