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Caring for Your Hurting Teen / Troubling Issues / Uncategorized — Comments Off on Your Teen’s Anger at the Illness
22
Nov 24

Your Teen’s Anger at the Illness

Teenager“Hope can replace anger.”

Anger is a natural emotion when we are suffering and lack the resources to figure out our next step. The next time your teen is venting, ask them if they are angry at the illness.This may get a conversation going about their feelings. Try these tips to help guide your teen toward acceptance and resolution of the illness.

Be Understanding

If we can remember that our teen is fresh out of childhood where life was simple and fairness was emphasized, their anger is understandable. This may be the first traumatic, life-changing event they have ever encountered. They may not feel equipped to deal with the harsh reality facing them. With therapy and improvement of the symptoms, this will change. They will come to see that they can cope and that strategies make a difference. Meanwhile, it can be tremendously soothing for them to hear you say, “I’m sorry you’re going through this, honey. You don’t deserve it.” We all want to feel understood.

Offer Perspective

If your teen is bemoaning their bad luck, gentlyremind them that every day, people deal with everything from sickness to divorce to death. It is a part of life, but they get through it. Tell them that they will get through the crisis just like everybody else gets through theirs, and that they won’t be going through it alone. Just as all good things must come to an end, so must all bad things.

Assemble Support

Your teen may be so distressed about their sickness that it seems like they are refusing to do anything to help themselves. Now is the time to teach them the value of trust, or, if your family is religious, faith. Remind them of the things that they have going for them. It may be their church, a close friend, a neighbor, or a grandparent. Perhaps they are lucky enough to have a loving and stable family. Ask them who they trust to help get through this. If they are refusing to take medicine, ask if they trust the doctor; similarly, ask if they think their therapist is trustworthy. They may be surprised to realize that they actually can trust these individuals.

Help Assess

If your teen refuses medicine, won’t speak to a therapist, and is making life miserable for themselves and everyone around them, ask them to consider their options. They have an illness that doesn’t appear to be going away on its own, so what does that leave them with? List her options (kick the dog, throw away her homework, snap at a sibling, slam the door, tell a friend to leave them alone). Ask if any of these things will help them with their problem. If not, then what might help? Don’t suggest anything. Let them identify some things. If they say there is nothing, tell them that you think they can probably come up with some things if they think about it. Then give them time to think.

Back off a Little

If you have been closely involved with your teen’s illness, trying everything imaginable, and they don’t seem to appreciate your help (perhaps that is a painful understatement!), you may need to quietly step back for a while. Sometimes, the more work you do, the less your teen needs to try.

Break Down Problems

Your teen may feel overwhelmed, particularly if their problem involves not only mental symptoms but also consequences such as trouble at school or with the law. It may be all too much for them to deal with. It may help them to number their problems in order of severity. Their list may look something like this:

  1. I’m really depressed
  2. My medicine isn’t working and I’m frustrated
  3. I have no friends
  4. I’m failing in school

Ask your teen to tackle the first problem or two first. Using our example, the two of you might admit that neither of you have done a good job of remembering when they should take their medicine. Tomorrow you will buy a seven-day pill pack to help keep track of doses. You can even set up alarms on your cell phone. This way, both of you will know that you have given the medicine a fair chance.

Your teen may also remember that they wanted to do some physical activity each day. Help them work this into their schedule. Rate their depression each day to see if there is any improvement. Bringing your teen’s attention to something they can do right now will make them feel less overwhelmed.

Address Their Darkest Fears

It’s possible that your teen has not yet shared with you just how frightened they are. They may have a classmate who committed suicide or they may be afraid that they will end up like their aunt who has the same diagnosis. Once they have voiced these fears, explain that things will be better for them. Suggest that they withhold judging the situation until they have more information about the illness. Point out all of the helpthey are getting and name the people who are trying to help. Hope can replace anger.

 

Fostering Wellness and Growth / Uncategorized — Comments Off on Recovery From Mental Illness Requires Patience
20
Nov 24

Recovery From Mental Illness Requires Patience

Teenager“In many ways, teens who have suffered are better equipped to handle setbacks than people who have never struggled.”

I am constantly reminded of how long the process of healing from a mental illness takes. If that sounds discouraging, it is not meant to. It is simply an important reality. Some illnesses clear up more quickly; others never improve. Mental illness is in-between. With treatment, things will improve, in fact, so steadily that it can be quite astonishing. My son has been in treatment for seven years; my daughter for five. Even after all of this time, I continue to see improvement.

In my son’s case, he has been able to cut back on his dosage of medicine. Early on in his treatment when the medicine was addressing his depression, I noticed that he did not make jokes any longer. After a couple of years, though, his humor returned. At age fourteen, I felt like his deep depression had soured him toward life, and this attitude continued for many years. He is still not the cheeriest of people, and a lot of his cynicism has remained, but he is more relaxed about life and the waythe world is.

My daughter was initially miserable with the awful symptoms of schizophrenia. Somehow, at the time, I had it in my head that all we needed to do was get the symptoms under control. I wasn’t prepared for the residual challenges of the illness, including depression, fatigue, lack of motivation, and mental slowing. Although she has not been able to cut back on her dosage, she is now energetic and excited to start each day and seems fulfilled in many ways. She has resolved the early stigma she dealt with regarding the name of her disease. Feeling better has made the illness a smaller part of her life. Slowly, she is building a social life, something that for a long time I thought I would never see again.

One thing that helped my teens’ progress has been staying steady with the medicine. Most of these drugs take two weeks or more to begin working, and improvement is so subtle and slow it can be barely noticeable. If you see any improvement at all, you are likely on the right track. But it will probably take months and possibly years for your teen to really recover, depending upon the severity of the illness.

Another thing that helped was the fact that neither of my kids had used street drugs. Drugs like marijuana or alcohol can cause serious delays and setbacks in treatment. Still, even when drugs are involved, if the addiction is resolved, the teen can make progress. One thing that all kids with mental illness go through, whether addiction is involved or not, is an early realization that life can be tough. As painful as this is for them, young people are resilient and the early challenges they have with depression, drugs, and more can actually help them mature more quickly. Learning how to get something like a drug addiction or a deep depression under control can help them to cope with future obstacles. In many ways, teens who have suffered are better equipped to handle setbacks than people who have never struggled.

Time is a big healer. Every year that your teen recovers is also an additional year of maturation. Simply growing older can help a teen heal and recover. With both of my teens, I found it helpful to encourage them to take on more responsibility. I am talking about little things like filling out their own medical forms at the doctor’s office and big things like learning how to drive. We cannot let our teen’s illness keep them from growing up, even if we feel bad about what they have been through.

Your teen will be able to forget and move on more easily if you encourage them to do all of the things that other teens do: learn to cook, do laundry, start a part-time job. If it seems like these skills are beyond your teen right now, don’t worry. Have them tackle one thing at a time and stick with it until it has become comfortable, then move on to the next thing. My daughter took five years to finish high school. We could have pushed hard and gotten her out in four years, but she was much better prepared for college this way. The important thing is seeing progress and remaining patient while it continues.

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