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Troubling Issues / Uncategorized — Comments Off on Your Teen’s Dark Poetry, Music, or Art
13
Nov 24

Your Teen’s Dark Poetry, Music, or Art

Teenager“Teens tend to think in extremes, and their art shows it.”

You are cleaning out the car when you find a sheet of crumpled, lined notebook paper. Smoothing it out, you see that your teen has written a poem about suicide. A bolt of fear shoots through you.

Take a deep breath. This could mean that your teen is suicidal or it could mean that they had a bad day. Teens tend to think in extremes, and their art shows it. Having recently left childhood behind, they are new to many of the painful facts of life. The realization can be overwhelming.

Meanwhile, there is you, worrying about whether to be concerned. If the art merely hints at depression or anxiety, do not mention that you found it. Instead, say that you notice that they seem blue lately. Tell your teen that you would like to help, and that you promise not to over-react or judge. They may not open up to you right away, but at least they know someone is looking out for them. Also, you have opened the door a crack. If more evidence appears, you can press further.

If the art scares you, it is time to take action. For example, in the case of the poem about suicide, if your teen refuses to open up, explain what you found. It is worth the risk of their resentment. Express that you respect their discomfort but that you would be a poor parent if you didn’t follow up. It is important for them to know that somebody cares enough to do something about their situation.

Tell your teen that you have made an appointment to go together to see a therapist or the school counselor. Be assured, by the way, that the school counselor or school psychologist is well-equipped and experienced with this issue. If your teen objects, remain firm. Explain that you love them and that you need to check this out in order to know that they are safe. Say that sometimes teens do not realize just how depressed they are if they’ve been coping for a while.

Be sensitive to the fact that they may be embarrassed by the content of the item you found. Do not bring it along (in fact, if you still have it, return it). Tell the therapist or counselor, in general terms, the message you interpreted from the item and then let her take it from there. Afterward, thank your teen for accompanying you to the appointment. Never mention the poem again. Your teen will appreciate your sensitivity.

 

Fostering Wellness and Growth / Troubling Issues / Uncategorized — Comments Off on Your Self-Centered Teen
11
Nov 24

Your Self-Centered Teen

Teenager“If you can teach your teen the art of gratitude, he or she will have a huge advantage.”

Hurting teens often cannot see past their own misery. They may seem discourteous, insensitive, and even bitter. An illness like depression or something even more devastating like bipolar disorder, can feel all-encompassing, seeming to affect every aspect of the teen’s life. It is likely that this is the worst thing your teen has ever faced. In addition to the misery and confusion, your teen may feel a loss of innocence.

Unfortunately, being young and inexperienced in the painful parts of life does nothing to help a teen’s resilience. Mental illness usually takes a long time to resolve and it often comes with multiple medicine trials and various follow-up stages of miserable symptoms. This can lead to a sense of defeat. When we feel hopeless, it is hard to be happy for others. But there are ways to help.

Provide Perspective

First, let your teen know that, throughout anybody’s lifetime, there are bound to be phases where the person’s life feels stalled or unmanageable. It may be the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, or the onset of an illness, including a mental illness. Eventually, if we live long enough, we will inevitably go through such a time. Your teen is not alone. Explain that things will not always be this bad.

Provide an Activity

Second, recognize that the more time your teen has to stew about their misery, the worse it is likely to seem. Busy teens have less time to dwell upon themselves. Although your teen is likely to resist, get him or her involved in a yoga class, a volunteer opportunity, or the search for a part-time job.

Teach Gratitude

Finally, teach your teen to express gratitude. People will not sympathize for long or want to be near if all they hear is complaining. If you can teach your teen the art of gratitude, he or she will have a huge advantage. There are several things you can try:

  • Buy a tiny notebook or even a pad of Post-em notes to keep by their bedside. Every night before going to bed, they write down five things they are grateful for. This exercise is incredibly powerful over time.
  • Try to get your teen to identify an especially helpful professional and thank the person. This might be a therapist, school counselor, or doctor.
  • Try to find a reason to give someone a special thank you in the form of baking some cookies. Ask your teen to help you, if only with the packaging and the card. Encourage your teen to deliver the cookies, or to at least accompany you. It does not have to be someone who has done something nice. It could be someone who is sick or been through a rough time.
  • Continue to be a role model for your teen by remembering to thank everyone who helps out, including the receptionist at the doctor’s office and even the pharmacist.
  • If your teen has a friend who has stood by them throughout this tough time, suggest that your teen thank the person. It is easy to take friends for granted without realizing that we have done nothing for them during our long period of illness. A friend’s support is not a right; it is a privilege.
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