Fostering Wellness and Growth / Troubling Issues / Uncategorized — Comments Off on Your Self-Centered Teen
11
Nov 24

Your Self-Centered Teen

Teenager“If you can teach your teen the art of gratitude, he or she will have a huge advantage.”

Hurting teens often cannot see past their own misery. They may seem discourteous, insensitive, and even bitter. An illness like depression or something even more devastating like bipolar disorder, can feel all-encompassing, seeming to affect every aspect of the teen’s life. It is likely that this is the worst thing your teen has ever faced. In addition to the misery and confusion, your teen may feel a loss of innocence.

Unfortunately, being young and inexperienced in the painful parts of life does nothing to help a teen’s resilience. Mental illness usually takes a long time to resolve and it often comes with multiple medicine trials and various follow-up stages of miserable symptoms. This can lead to a sense of defeat. When we feel hopeless, it is hard to be happy for others. But there are ways to help.

Provide Perspective

First, let your teen know that, throughout anybody’s lifetime, there are bound to be phases where the person’s life feels stalled or unmanageable. It may be the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, or the onset of an illness, including a mental illness. Eventually, if we live long enough, we will inevitably go through such a time. Your teen is not alone. Explain that things will not always be this bad.

Provide an Activity

Second, recognize that the more time your teen has to stew about their misery, the worse it is likely to seem. Busy teens have less time to dwell upon themselves. Although your teen is likely to resist, get him or her involved in a yoga class, a volunteer opportunity, or the search for a part-time job.

Teach Gratitude

Finally, teach your teen to express gratitude. People will not sympathize for long or want to be near if all they hear is complaining. If you can teach your teen the art of gratitude, he or she will have a huge advantage. There are several things you can try:

  • Buy a tiny notebook or even a pad of Post-em notes to keep by their bedside. Every night before going to bed, they write down five things they are grateful for. This exercise is incredibly powerful over time.
  • Try to get your teen to identify an especially helpful professional and thank the person. This might be a therapist, school counselor, or doctor.
  • Try to find a reason to give someone a special thank you in the form of baking some cookies. Ask your teen to help you, if only with the packaging and the card. Encourage your teen to deliver the cookies, or to at least accompany you. It does not have to be someone who has done something nice. It could be someone who is sick or been through a rough time.
  • Continue to be a role model for your teen by remembering to thank everyone who helps out, including the receptionist at the doctor’s office and even the pharmacist.
  • If your teen has a friend who has stood by them throughout this tough time, suggest that your teen thank the person. It is easy to take friends for granted without realizing that we have done nothing for them during our long period of illness. A friend’s support is not a right; it is a privilege.
Facing Your Teen’s Illness — Comments Off on What I Learned About Mental Illness from the Movies
08
Nov 24

What I Learned About Mental Illness from the Movies

There are plenty of movies out there that deal with the subject of mental illness. Although I sometimes find the prospect of watching such a movie depressing, I think it’s good to get a different take on the subject. Here is a list of some of the movies I have seen and what I learned from them as a caregiver:

Strange Voices is listed first because it is my favorite. Valerie Harper plays a mom whose daughter is struck with schizophrenia while at college. Somehow, without seeming like a documentary, this movie hits all the issues: stigma, isolation, the effects of de-institutionalization, marriage strain, the limitations of health insurance, and our appalling legal system. It is an incredibly realistic portrayal of what a family goes through when schizophrenia affects a child. It is also heartwarming and ends on a note that is both realistic and hopeful. Truly a masterpiece despite its dated quality.

Benny & Joon with Mary Sue Masterson and Johnnie Depp showed me how a caregiver can become dependent upon the illness. In the movie, Benny looks after his sister Joon, who has had schizophrenia for so many years that he can’t let go of his role even after she no long needs him. As a caregiver, I have been cautioned to maintain a life of my own, and now I see why.

A Beautiful Mind with Jennifer Connelly and Russell Crowe showed me how a caregiver who refuses to give up can restore a life. Connelly nurtures her husband back from schizophrenia. He is luckier than most because his distinguished past and an accepting environment keep him safe and stable.

Black Swan provides an unusual take on the caregiver. I found it interesting that my friends who saw the movie regarded the mother of the girl with schizophrenia as being a cruel and manipulative stage mom. As the mother of a girl with schizophrenia, I saw her completely differently. To me, she seemed warped by the demands of the illness, having held the pieces together for so long that she needed everything to go just right lest it all fall apart. Of course, it does, and the performances of both Natalie Portman (the daughter) and Barbara Hershey (the mother) are brilliant.

Proof features Gwyneth Paltrow as a devoted daughter looking after her brilliant father, played by Anthony Hopkins, who has schizophrenia. The daughter deliberately undermines her own brilliance as she endeavors to return her dad to his former state of greatness. It is a reminder that caregivers can lose themselves in helping a beloved relative. If you love Gwyneth Paltrow (and who doesn’t love Gwyneth Paltrow?) you must see this movie.

Silver Linings Playbook depicts a young man struggling with bipolar disorder following a mental break after his wife has an affair. His well-meaning mother decides that he has been in the hospital for too long and brings him home. His father is stunned by this but insists that he only wants to make sure he is all right. However, we soon learn that mom and dad are not all right themselves. Dad has obsessive compulsive disorder and Mom vacillates between playing along with Dad and trying to keep him from doing too much damage. In-between the two is Pat, the son, who is trying to find a way back to his former life despite his parents’ problems.

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