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Caring for Your Hurting Teen / Fostering Wellness and Growth — Comments Off on Top 12 Coping Skills for Teens
15
May 24

Top 12 Coping Skills for Teens

/copingSkills.jpg“Explore new hobbies such as woodworking, painting, or jewelry making.”

Teens going through a tough depression or similar illness need ways to cope. Here are 12 of the top coping skills:

  1. Do a puzzle together.
  2. Watch an old television series while you play a simple card game. My daughter and I worked our way through Columbo, Murder She Wrote, and The Office.
  3. Go for a car ride with your teen in the passenger seat, listening to their favorite music; no talking. This can really soothe a teen in pain.
  4. If it’s been a bad day, suggest that they go to bed early. This almost always works.
  5. If shopping for clothes is too strenuous for them, do some Internet shopping. Having packages coming may give them something to look forward to.
  6. Go for a twenty-minute walk together.
  7. Bake something easy together.
  8. Suggest that they start or resume music lessons.
  9. Buy magazines that interest them.. Short articles require less energy than do books.
  10. See if they will go to a movie with a friend. It requires less conversation than other activities and is therefore less of a strain.
  11. Explore new hobbies such as woodworking or jewelry making. Browse through a crafts store to see what interests your teen.
  12. Adopt a pet through the humane society, preferably one already trained so that you don’t have the added stress of housebreaking.

You may be disappointed to discover that your teen has lost interest in an activity or sport they previously loved. It’s possible that they don’t have the level of concentration to pursue it right now. Their skill level may be so low compared to the way it was before the illness that they don’t have the heart to keep it up right now. Although you may be tempted to keep your teen involved so that they don’t lose ground, resist the urge. I know there’s the risk that they won’t return to it, but there is an equally good chance that they will find something new to master. Changing interests is a natural part of teen life anyway, so encourage them to try new things.

Caring for Your Hurting Teen — Comments Off on Why do Teens Cut?
09
May 24

Why do Teens Cut?

Teenager“Your teen must learn new coping skills to replace the self-injury behavior until it is no longer needed.”

Do you know why teens cut or perform other forms of self-injury? I didn’t. A social worker explained to me that sometimes the pain of anger or anxiety or depression becomes so severe that the only way to cope is to inflict pain. It is a dangerous coping skill and understandably aggrieving for the parent, especially if it seems as though your teen is addicted to the behavior. I want to reassure you that therapy can help tremendously by teaching better coping skills and eradicating the old habit by infusing new, healthier behavior.

Talking to Your Teen About Self-Injury

If you think you are seeing signs of self-injury in your teen, such as burns or cuts, bring it up to your teen in a calm and gentle manner. This is an extremely sensitive subject and it is likely that your teen is embarrassed and ashamed. Remember that your opinion of your teen means the world to them. Promise not to over-react or judge them.

If your teen does not want to talk, say that you just want to share what little you know about the subject. Explain that it is actually very common among teens who are going through tough emotional times, and that it is often linked to depression, anxiety, and frustration. Say that it is a medical condition and that there is treatment for it. If your teen clams up, say that you are going to give them a few days to think about it. Once the shock wears off that you know their secret, they may come to you. If not, go to them and say that you want to make an appointment with a therapist or school counselor.

Working with a Therapist

When the two of you meet with the therapist or counselor, describe the signs you have seen. This may include signs of self-injury, but it may also include things like loss of appetite, excessive worry, not completing homework, or leaving the dinner table in tears over the tiniest remark.

Do not be surprised if this evidence is an epiphany for your teen. They may have been trying to cope for so long that they never recognized how much pain they were experiencing. If your teen isn’t talking or otherwise seems uncomfortable, ask if they would prefer to speak to the therapist alone. If your teen asks you to stay, it means they need your support and protection because they haven’t yet trusted the therapist. If your teen still won’t talk, bring them into the conversation during a less threatening point in the conversation. For example: “We had just come home from a concert and she and her dad were arguing–” turn to your teen “–help me out here, honey. What was the argument about again?” Once your teen starts talking, they often get into the swing of it.

The “Cure” for Teen Self-Injury

In time, your teen will come to understand that there is a name for what they are feeling. They will learns new ways to cope with their feelings. That is the cure, of course. Your teen must learn new coping skills to replace the self-injury behavior until it is no longer needed. Check out Top 12 Coping Skills for Teens to get started.

Meanwhile, there is you, wanting the situation to end now. It can be helpful to lower your expectations and anticipate that the behavior may occur again before it is fully resolved. If your teen does hurt themselves, try to remain calm and say as little as possible. If you shame them, they may be distressed enough to self-injure again. Express confidence that they will be able to stop. If you notice marks on her arms, call the therapist and let her know what you have seen. She will be able to gently question your teen. Because your teen cannot bear to disappoint you, it may be easier to discuss it with a professional.

Seldom does recovery commence in a straight line. There will be slip-ups along the way, but that does not mean that there is no progress. I highly recommend When Your Child is Cutting, by Merry E. McVey-Noble, Sony Khemlani-Patel, and Fugen Neziroglu. It is a quick, easy read and simply the best I have found for giving parents the insight and courage to get their teen past this troubling behavior.

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