“It can be hard to distinguish between immaturity and symptoms of mental illness.”Depression or other mental illness can compromise your teen’s maturity. It may slow down the maturation process, and your teen may even regress for a time. The good news is that teens are programmed to grow and mature. With opportunities to challenge themselves, your teen will recover the lost time quickly.
It can be hard to distinguish between immaturity and symptoms of mental illness. For example, a quick temper is associated with both. And everyone, from children to adults, acts less mature under stress. In time, medicine will resolve symptoms and the teen’s current maturity level will become more apparent. Scan the list below to determine your teen’s strengths and weaknesses.
| Mature Behavior | Immature Behavior |
| Accepts responsibility | Blames others; makes excuses |
| Able to apologize | Refuses to apologize |
| Respects others’ wishes | Deliberately annoys people |
| Willing to try difficult tasks | Unwilling to risk failure |
| Willing to wait | Impatient |
| Works out of desire | Expects praise |
| Aware of own weaknesses | Defensive |
| Tenacious | Quits; expects others to do the work |
| Accepts disappointment | Whines or uses silent treatment |
| Manages money responsibly | Overspends and expects more money |
| Able to put others first | Selfish in almost every situation |
| Sees others’ point of view | Can argue, but cannot discuss |
| Self-confident | Lacks confidence |
| Asks for what he needs | Expects others to know his/her needs |
| Empathizes with others | Does not care how others feel |
| Sees everything in black or white | Understands shades of gray |
| Can delay gratification | Wants everything now |
| Understands wants vs. needs | Self-indulgent |
You have probably been able to find a mix of strengths and weaknesses in your teen. For now, focus on the strengths. Praise adult-like behavior and ignore childish ways. This will help them see themselves as being capable of growing and improving.
Indirect praise is potent. When your teen is present, casually mention to your spouse or other supportive person the mature thing your teen recently did. For example, let’s say you asked your seventeen-year-old to take the car in to have the brakes repaired. They did it, but not after pouting and protesting. Later, you can say to your spouse, “We don’t have to take the car in tomorrow morning after all. Lee took care of it today.” When your spouse acts impressed, provide only positive details, such as, “I said it would help us out, and now it’s done.”
This is Part I in a series. Read the others:
Getting Through to Your Irrational Teen (Part II)
Building Social Skills in the Emotionally Ill Teen (Part III)
Six Strategies for Helping Your Teen Mature (Part IV)
Five Steps to Increasing Teen Maturity (Part V)
“You may come to question whether teen rewards are reinforcing helpless behavior.”